Bryan Cole helps children and teens make mental health progress brick by brick
Bryan Cole, MA, LMFT, is convinced that kids are the most resilient people on the planet. But even they need help facing mental health challenges. When they do, Cole and his team are there.
Cole is the lead licensed psychotherapist for M Health Fairview Pediatrics’ Adolescent Day Treatment Program at Maplewood, Minn. He’s part of a team assessing mental health needs for children and adolescents. Cole is also the first point of contact for the adolescent day treatment program, fielding questions from parents, social workers, therapists, and others when a child needs mental health support.
M Health Fairview Pediatrics offers a full range of mental health services – from therapy and medication all the way to hospitalization, so that children can get the right level of care at the right time. Our adolescent day treatment program is tailored for ages 13-18, and we offer two levels of care: partial hospitalization and intensive outpatient programs. We caught up with Cole to learn more about how he approaches his work.
Why do you think children and teens are facing such a high rate of mental health challenges?
The baseline for mental health symptoms went way up after COVID-19 hit, although it had been trending upward for years before the pandemic. Rates of depression, suicidal ideation, and suicide attempts have increased 60 percent in the last 13 years. Social media is partially to blame, and COVID-19 made existing problems worse by increasing social isolation and adding a host of stressors, including loss and trauma in many cases.
What is your philosophy when caring for children and teens?
First, meet them where they are. The kiddos we treat are really struggling – whether their symptoms are emerging for the first time, they face an ongoing struggle, or they have experienced trauma. But I am convinced, beyond a doubt, that kids are the most resilient people on the planet. And even over the course of a day treatment program like the partial hospitalization program, they make progress. I see them improve and get to see glimpses of the healthier child peeking out from under the weight of their symptoms or trauma.
As a team, we have an obligation to honor and protect that resilience. We do that by creating a safe, nonjudgmental space, so the kiddos and teens we care for can have the strength to face and grow beyond their challenges, understanding that they are worthy.
Humor is another key part of my approach. I use respectful humor all the time, and I think many people who work in mental health with children and teens do as well. It’s a great way to build connection.
What is the LEGO metaphor, and why is it a helpful way to think about mental illness and recovery?
When you build something out of LEGO, you have to build it one piece at a time, step by step. Eventually, you’ll see whatever you’re building start to emerge, but not all at once, and not at first. You have to have faith that, if you keep building one piece at a time, you will reach the goal of building the castle or whatever it is.
In addition, from time to time, part of your LEGO construction may fall apart, and that’s OK. You can rebuild using the same brick-by-brick approach. Maybe you’ll discover that you need to go back because you missed a step, and that’s okay, too. It’s all progress.
What message do you want children and teens to get when they work with you and the team?
We hear you, and we get it. These symptoms are real, and we believe you. One of the things mental illness does is warp our sense of what’s true. I want to help give them the tools to see beyond the perceived truth, which is the illness or trauma talking.
Why are you passionate about what you do? What is the most rewarding aspect of your job?
The first time I see a glimmer of the kiddo realizing that they can do this – that their illness or trauma will not define their lives – it’s incredibly rewarding. Similarly, when families begin to have hope for the future, believing that they can make progress together.
I know firsthand the pain of watching someone I love struggle with mental illness and not know what to do for that person. Everything I do comes from that core desire to lessen that pain and loneliness with an empathetic ear.
What little things do you do to make a difference for families under your care?
In some ways, my work is all about the little things. Small steps, building one LEGO at a time. In the mental health world, little does not mean insignificant. Little is foundational, and therefore it can be profound.
A child's struggles affect the whole family. So a key component of our work is to help the entire family recognize that every person has an important role to play supporting a child's mental health treatment and journey. This is not work that one family member can do alone.
The most profound thing we do for kiddos and their families is to validate and normalize the existence of mental illness in their lives. I want to help children and teens learn to embrace their symptoms, because by pulling it in close, we can take its power away.
