A fragile beginning, a powerful bond: How one family found connection in the NICU

When Katie Thielman left the hospital without her newborn son, Hudson, in her arms, it felt like her heart had been left behind.

“For a long time, it didn’t quite feel like we were Hudson's parents,” Katie said. “Nurses and doctors guided every moment of his care, and though they were extraordinary, it was hard to not be in charge of our own child. We couldn’t pick him up without help.”

Katie got to hold Hudson for just one minute after he was born before he was whisked away for breathing support. Born six weeks early with a hole in his heart—a ventricular septal defect (VSD)—Hudson would spend the next 10 weeks in the NICUs at M Health Fairview St. John’s and M Health Fairview Masonic Children’s hospitals.

Hudson's first weeks were filled with beeping monitors, careful hands, and constant uncertainty, but his parents seized every opportunity they could to connect with him as he overcame his medical challenges. Despite the many obstacles Hudson has faced, today, he is a happy, curious 2-year-old who loves watching tow trucks and school buses.

Life in the NICU

Katie and her husband, Nick, quickly created a daily routine of arriving at the hospital in time for the doctors’ morning rounds. Then they would head home in the afternoon for a little break and dinner before returning to the hospital for a few more hours to say goodnight to Hudson.

Leaving a crying Hudson was heartbreaking for Katie. One evening, Hudson’s primary night nurse showed Katie how to swaddle Hudson in a way that always calmed him. “It was a terrible feeling that she knew better than me,” Katie said. “It was just a reminder that it wasn’t us taking care of him.”

But the caretakers who got to know Hudson so well also helped Katie and Nick comfort their son. They learned how to give Hudson “hand hugs” when he couldn’t be held, by gently cupping his head and legs to comfort him through touch. Katie also tucked little cloth hearts in her shirt overnight, so the next day, Hudson could smell her scent in his isolette – a reminder that mom was near, even when she couldn’t be there.

Managing early stress

It’s extremely stressful to be a parent of a medically complex newborn, said psychologist Maria Kroupina, PhD, LP., who supports the mental health and neurodevelopment of the youngest M Health Fairview Pediatrics patients. She works closely with families like the Thielmans to help them navigate the emotional challenges of intensive care.

“Infants in the NICU and PICU experience stress before they even have a voice,” Kroupina said. “Just because they’re little doesn’t mean they don’t experience the world around them.”

Similarly, parents who are both emotional and medical caretakers are under a great deal of pressure. Kroupina helps them with strategies to comfort and communicate with their children during procedures and to manage their own stress in the process.

Nick and Katie had to adjust their expectations of what it would be like to bring their baby home. The nursery they lovingly prepared didn't get much use. Instead, they took turns prepping Hudson’s feeding tube every three hours and sitting with him while the other parent got a few hours of sleep. They monitored his sensitive stomach and weight, hoping to get him as strong as possible ahead of his surgeries.

Helping Hudson thrive

Hudson has had two open heart surgeries, a feeding tube surgery, and a hospital stay for an infection. He has a full calendar of appointments for physical therapy, speech for feeding therapy, nephrology, gastrointestinal care, pulmonology, and cardiology in addition to his regular pediatrician visits.

“I counted something like 240 appointments between being released from the NICU and his 2nd birthday," Katie said.

It was enough to make Hudson fearful of medical settings, so his parents reached out to Dr. Kroupina for help. 

“When a parent feels confident and connected, and the child feels supported—even in a medical setting—it can become a protective factor for lifelong mental health,” Kroupina explained.

The Thielmans’ want their story to give hope to other families of medically complex children. Their many commutes to the hospital, commitment to overcoming medical stress, and the extra efforts to connect as a family were recently showcased, when a playful Hudson and Katie stopped by the NICU to say hi. A care team member pointed Hudson out to a current parent in the NICU, and shared “This will be your child in a couple of years.”